My story part 1

It was a cold March morning we woke up, we knew what we had to do he had to produce a sample into a container, we had done this before and the procedure didn't work but this time we had so much hope and faith. He did his "dirty business" and then we got into the car... it was so cold the kind of cold where you can see your breath when you breathe. So I tucked the sample in my bra in between my breasts where it would stay warm, cause cold equals death to the sperm and that would be kind of counter productive. We got to the clinic and people were standing outside. I really found it odd that people were standing outside on such a cold morning. I waited in the car cause I was petrified that something bad would happen..... cold equals death remember? Well I eventually asked the person in the car beside us and they told us someone tried to break in overnight and it jammed the lock and now noone could get in so they were waiting for the locksmith. Well if anything bad is gonna happen it will surely happen to me. We sat in the car for a long time. It was well over an hour.. and the instructions we are given is that the sample must be brought in within an hour of producing into the container so we were scared and upset that this could cost us. The only good thing is that we weren't the only ones who were waiting. There were at least 10 other couples... all scheduled for IUIs and all waiting in their cars with their husband's sperm tucked into their bra or under their armpit or between their legs... these are the places where it could be safely kept warm. Eventually the locksmith and the Doctor arrived and we were led in. I was worried and asked the nurse and she said they would test them and if something was wrong they would let us know. THey gave us the time to come back and have our IUI procedure. We went for breakfast and came back at our time and the doctor came in the room and said good news. Your count is extremely good and we don't see these numbers here that often. Sure I said he is superman inspite of all that happened this morning... figures. I can take some of the responsibility since I kept them safe and warm. This made me feel good and gave me a smile unlike any other smile I have ever had. See even when you were just a little sperm (ok just 42Million sperm) I was a good mommy and kept you safe and warm. We had the procedure and as I lay there with my feet in the stirrups I began thinking about the future, a wonderful future filled with laughter and tears and smiles and hugs, all 42 Million of these swimmers are inside me and all you need to do is find ONE egg and my dreams become a reality. What an amazing thought, what an amazing gift. The next day we repeated the procedure without any incidents and we waited. Many women will tell you the 2 week wait is hell... Every twinge every feeling, every cramp, if your temperature rises you trick yourself into thinking that this is it. The egg and sperm have met and are implanting into your uterine wall. You feel nauseous you determine its morning sickness. You want it so bad that your mind will trick you a thousand times. AND for every thousand times you are sure you are pregnant there are 10 thousand times you tell yourself you are not, cramps means your period is coming, tender breasts are just because of the hormones that are on. Really the only telltale sign is a pregnancy test but I could never bring myself to test because I have had so many negative tests I really wouldn't know what a positive one would look like. So I wait very impatiently I wait with my heart in my throat and I go in for my Beta (blood pregnancy test) I sit in the chair and I have decided it didn't work this month but that is ok there is always next time. The nurse asked me when I was due.. and I laughed, tears stinging my eyes I said I am here for the test but I don't think it worked. She said o hun you never know. I am keeping everything crossed for you. I thanked her and went about my day. I knew at 11am they would call me with the results and I tried to keep myself busy so I wouldn't focus on the impending doom i felt in my gut. How would I tell him that it was negative? Well 11am came and went and I wondered did they lose my test results? I gave them some more time and I eventually started calling. I finally got a call around 1pm and this wonderful lady by the name of Shannon said she was calling with my results and my number was ## . I said what? I have a number? What does that mean? I had never had a number before just one word negative. She started laughing and said O I am so sorry a number means you are pregnant. I said waht? It isn't negative? Can you test it again? She kept laughing and said no... come back in 2 days and have another test we want to see that number doubling every 48 hours. My hands started shaking I was at work and didn't want to react.. I didn't want to scream and cry or jump up and down. I just kept shaking and tearing up. Oh My GOD it worked!! I immediately called my husband and told him and he was just as shaky as I was. Neither of us could believe it. Later he told me he actually had tears in his eyes when I told him. Neither of us could actually believe it. We went back 2 days later and my numbers were ###. Now it was starting to become real to me. They booked our first ultrasound and we were so excited. We didn't want to tell anyone because we were so scared and in so much shock. It was nice to have this all to ourselves. We would laugh and smile and talk about having a baby and how everything we went through, all the needles and poking and prodding and pain it was all worth it because this moment was unbelievable! The day of our first ultrasound came and we were so excited, we couldn't believe how excited we were. We sat and held hands in the wiating room and they eventually called me into the ultrasound room. After doing what she needed to do she called in my husband and we saw it. A tiny little yolk sac but there was nothing in it. I had no idea what was going on because by now something should have been there. She explained that we are just off by a couple days... its a little behind but it can still catch up. I was a little worried but back then I didn't really know much about pregnancies and things that could go wrong so I jsut accepted what they said and left it alone. The next ultrasound I was feeling a little nervous but again so excited I would get to see my little bug. She took a little longer this time and this time I wasn't sure what to think. She called in my husband and said ok are you ready? We both said yes we are ready and then she said something I will never forget. She said this time we are seeing something different. I smiled and said well I would hope so since last time it was just a little sac. She said I see 2 and I laughed and said 2? You see 2 arms and 2 legs... neat! Then she turned the screen to face us and there on the screen were 2 babies! THey were tiny and real! TWINS! I thought my heart was going to stop beating. I had always wanted twins, always but the prospect frightened me. My husband in the meantime lost his footing and said there is no stool here? Why doens't the husband get a chair? The tech jumped off hers and slid hers over under him before he collapsed. We were both is such shock. We didn't understand how one week there is one sac and the next 2 babies. I looked at him and he grabbed my hand and looked at me in my eyes, piercing my heart with his words. He said we will be alright, we can do this. It is meant to be. With just those words my fear melted away and a smile came across my face. Both our faces actually. We were so happy. They look good but we want to see you back again around 12 weeks before you leave our care. I said OK got dressed and when we got to the car we both couldn't stop looking at the ultrasound picture. We were soo excited. We only wanted 2 kids so 2 at once was ideal. This is perfect but now we have to tell people. This is too big a secret to keep. We decided to tell my sister and her husband. They didn't react the way we had hoped. Instead they reacted negatively, they told us that it wasn't a good thing and it was going to be hard and started talking about all the bad things that could happen. I think their reaction to shock and mine were 2 completely different things. We became a little gunshy by this point and chose not to tell anyone else until later. Eventually we told both our parents. His parents we presented with gift bags with bibs that said I love my grandma and I love my grandpa as well as the framed picture of the 2 babies. They were so small they fit in the picture perfectly but I didn't tell them there were two I let them ask and guess. This was the moment we had all waited for so long for I wanted the moment to be extra special. When telling my mother I was terrified to tell and I chickened out all evening during dinner and tehn before we were getting ready to leave my husband said to my mother we have something to tell you. She said O you didn't like dinner? No I said I'm pregnant. I tehn gave her the framed picture, immediately she looked at it then back at me and said umm I see two. I said two what? She said 2 babies. I said yes you do. She hugged me but I saw the look in her eyes.. she was scared for me. Ironic that everyone is so afraid on my behalf and yet my terror was well hidden. We went for our third ultrasound and both my husband and I were so shocked at how much they had changed. I could make out their faces and arms and legs.. it was truly a miracle.